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In the United States, premature ejaculation affects about one in five men ages 18 to 59 making it the most common male sexual dysfunction. Most men try to distract themselves during sex, attempting to trick themselves into lasting longer by thinking about other non-sexual things. This works for some men, some of the time but is far from being a treatment or viable premature ejaculation cure.
The obvious flaw with this technique is that it defeats the purpose of sex, which is supposed to be exciting and fun. Negative thoughts and trying to keep one's self from getting too aroused have no place in a passionate sexual experience. Besides, if your aim is to overcome premature ejaculation permanently, you need to address the problem and make the necessary adjustments to correct it.
Don't try to get yourself out of the moment, instead tune into it. Now, this may sound counter-productive but once you become more aware of your different levels of sexual arousal and begin to recognize when you are approaching orgasm, it becomes easier to prolong your erection without ejaculating.
Here is what you can start doing right now to prevent premature ejaculation and prolong your sexual endurance:
Avoid drugs or alcoholic beverages. You need to be fully aware of the changes happening in your body if you wish to control them. Engage in full body sensuality. By pleasuring the entire body, not only will you release tension off the penis decreasing the chance of involuntary, premature ejaculation, you will also increase your partner's pleasure. Relax by allowing yourself to breath deeply during sex. Do not fight this urge by trying to restrict your breathing. This will increase your staying power. While masturbating, when you feel yourself approaching orgasm, stop and relax for about half a minute. When you feel yourself moving away from ejaculation, resume self-stimulation. Repeat this as often as you can. Avoid penile skin creams as they dull the sensation in your penis. This can make matters worse.
Some time is required in order to completely stop premature ejaculation. However, anyone can master the steps above within a short amount of time with consistent practice while paying attention to the changes happening in the body.
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Natural breast enlargement is a non-surgical alternative for women who wish to increase their breast size. Many women, unhappy with their current breast size look for a natural way to increase their bust size because they fear the complications associated with surgical implants or dislike the feel of artificially enlarged breasts.
There are many natural breast enlargement methods or products an individual can choose from. These include herbal breast enlargement pills, creams, sprays, pumps, and the Brava system. In addition to these, there are breast enhancing exercises and hypnosis.
Breast enlargement pills are formulated on the basis of scientific research that breast size is determined by the level of hormones produced in the body at the time of puberty. Manufacturers of these pills claim that the herbs and natural elements contained in the pills induce hormone-like activity similar to that found in a female body at the time of puberty to produce new breast tissue.
Breast enlargement creams are identical to pills with respect to the composition of ingredients. The cream promotes the growth of breast tissues by naturally balancing the female hormones.
Individuals taking breast enlargement pills or applying creams have to use the product over a period of two or more months to find any noticeable result. The results are not instant and the full benefits can be had only after six months of starting the treatment.
The Brava system is a battery charged bra-like device that works by creating suction and inducing the breast tissue to grow approximately one full cup size. The device is to be worn for 10 hours a day for 10 consecutive weeks. However the company cautions that any woman with a family history of cancer should not use it.
Breast enhancing exercises lift the breast tissue by increasing the bulk of the muscles that lies under the breasts. Exercising does not increase the size of the breast but gives a firmer look and feel by developing the chest muscles underneath the breast. Pushups, palm pushes, finger locks, and forearm grips are some of the exercises suggested to produce the desired result.
Proponents of hypnosis promise permanent increase in breast size by 1-4inches in 8-12 weeks by their hypnotherapy. The therapy is based on the principle that there is a direct link between the mind and the body. The mind communicates with parts of the body and causes the body to respond to its command.
Users of breast enlargement products must always assure themselves of the validity and credibility of the manufacturer’s claims and make sure that the manufacturer has been in existence for a time. Users should not be carried away by the low price of the product and should always be cautious of the positive and negative aspects of the ingredients used.
While some users discard the natural breast enlargement methods as a waste of time and money, others claim that their trust in the natural methods has produced results.
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More than 50 percent of diabetic men suffer from impotence, and almost all complain bitterly that it has destroyed something that is very important to them. Impotence caused by diabetes can be prevented or reversed in almost all men whose bodies can still make insulin.
Diabetes causes horrendous nerve damage including blindness, deafness, burning foot syndrome, loss of feeling, loss of muscle control, pain and tingling and impotence. The penis is the only gland in the body that has its blood supply shut off all the time. Muscles surrounding the penile artery constrict the artery to prevent blood from flowing to the penis. When a man is excited, his brain sends messages along nerves that cause the nerves to secrete a chemical called nitric oxide theat relaxes the muscles around the arteries to open blood flow to the penis and the balloons in the penis fill with blood and the man has an erection.
More than 90 percent of diabetics who can still make their own insulin can be controlled so that they do not suffer nerve damage. When you eat, your blood sugar level rises. If it rises too high, sugar sticks to cells and causes permanent nerve damage. Doctors can measure how much sugar is stuck on cells with a blood test called HBA1C. To get your HBA1C to a normal range below 6.1, you have to avoid foods that cause a high rise in blood sugar such as those with added sugar, those made from flour such as bakery products and pastas, and fruit juices.
Most cases of nerve damage from diabetes can be reversed by good control of diabetes, but sometimes the damage is permanent. For example once person goes blind from diabetes, he will never get his vision back. However, impotence is often reversible with good control of diabetes.
Men who are impotent from diabetes must be seen every month and each month, the doctor must draw a blood test called HBA1C which measures diabetic control for the last 12 weeks, or another blood test called fructosamine, which measures diabetic control over the last 2 weeks. Every time, the HBA1C is greater than 6.1, the doctor must change the patient's drugs and the patient must change his diet.
All diabetics should get a blood test called C-peptide to tell if their bodies can make insulin. If their C peptide is greater than 1, they should not be placed on insulin and should be started immediately on Glucophage and Actos or Avandia. These drugs lower high blood sugar levels, never cause low blood sugar, and also lower insulin to prevent obesity and heart attacks. Only if blood sugar levels cannot be controlled by diet and these insulin-lowering drugs should doctors prescribe drugs that raise insulin.
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"My girlfriend dumped me because she says I 'wasn't there' when we made love. She's not the first to say this. I know something's wrong. Can hypnotherapy help me?"
Your sexual dysfunction means you engage in sex more as an observer than as a participant.
You hold yourself back from entering a trance state; you have difficulty "letting go."
There are several ways in which a qualified hypnotherapist can help you to conquer this problem. Before using hypnosis it is essential that you receive competent medical advice.
Hypnotherapy will have a particular focus depending on whether the problem is organic or psychological.
Organic sexual problems require medical intervention. Hypnotherapy may be used as an adjunct, for instance, in helping you to heal faster after an operation.
More frequently, sexual difficulties treated by a hypnotherapist concern psychological issues.
Since the process deals with your mind all sexual activity during hypnotherapy takes place only in your imagination.
What you learn through hypnotherapy is practiced privately elsewhere.
Hypnotherapy may be used to heighten your sensual involvement and to help you to be fully present while engaging in sex.
A common, effective use of hypnotherapy is to lower your anxiety.
The anticipation of failure (particularly for men anxious about their ability to have or to maintain an erection) brings on anxious feelings.
These in turn bring about the failure. Hypnotherapy ends this vicious circle and replaces the anticipation of failure with the certainty of success and confidence.
Traditional sex therapy methods are more readily accepted by you when in hypnosis because the conscious, judgmental, analytical part of your mind is temporarily set aside.
Your subconscious then absorbs the new, positive messages you've asked the hypnotherapist to create.
Precisely because hypnosis taps into the autonomic nervous system, a person can use it to improve or alter functions that normally happen without conscious control, e.g., a man's erection.
Charles, a 27-years-old former sailor and currently an electrician, consulted a hypnotherapist because he was too fearful to have sex with his wife.
They'd been married three years and had had sexual difficulties since the birth of their daughter eight months previously. Charles was afraid he'd been embarrassed once again if he tried to make love.
"Kim laughed at me the first time and now she just gives me a look of disgust." Why? Because he couldn't maintain an erection.
Charles felt humiliated and frustrated; he worried that he'd never again have satisfactory sex with his wife. His dream of fathering a son seemed unattainable.
He told the hypnotherapist that he had no problem masturbating when alone. This was a likely indicator that Charles' problem was psychological, not organic.
As was Charles' report that he always had a firm erection when having sex with the occasional housewife in whose home he was doing electrical work.
To be on the safe side, the hypnotherapist advised Charles to be examined by a medical specialist to be absolutely sure there was no organic cause for his ED.
The doctor confirmed that Charles' trouble was "100 per cent psychogenic," meaning that for some emotional or psychological reason, he could not maintain an erection.
Of course, the more Charles tried, and the more he worried, the more flaccid was his penis.
The hypnotherapist explained to Charles that hypnosis could be used to uncover the cause of his trouble, or to tackle the symptom, or both.
Charles, being the impatient type, and of course eager to end his humiliating experiences, opted for the "quick fix."
Over the course of three sessions of hypnotherapy, Charles relived successful love-making episodes from his younger years as a Navy "stud."
Then the therapist used a melding technique to encourage Charles to see himself (in his imagination, while hypnotized) from now on once again enjoying a full, firm erection well beyond the time needed to satisfy his partner.
Positive suggestions were also made by the hypnotherapist to Charles about his prowess, his confidence and his desirability to his wife.
For three months Charles and Kim had a wonderful sex life. Then he lost an erection just as foreplay had become hot and heavy.
Kim, hurt and disappointed, reacted with sarcasm. All Charles' fears and anxieties rushed back. He returned to the hypnotherapist.
This time Charles agreed to investigate the cause of his impotence.
The hypnotherapist used various approaches -- age regression, age progression (in which the "future" Charles was to explain how he'd conquered the problem) analogue symbolic imagery -- but nothing worked.
In a subsequent session, with Charles relaxed in hypnosis, the therapist told Charles he'd have a dream. His subconscious would provide this dream as a way, either directly or symbolically, to explain the origin of his impotence.
Three nights later Charles dreamed he was outside a factory. It was night time and the factory loomed dark and mysterious.
Charles felt a strong urge to scale the steel fence that surrounded the factory. Then he tried to find away in. All the doors were shut and padlocked. A security guard ("very scary, because he had my face," said Charles) told him to go away.
But Charles persisted in his eagerness to enter the factory. He ran from the guard, to the back of the building. Here was the loading dock. Charles saw a bulldozer there. He jumped into its cab and began to operate the controls.
The guard reappeared, feebly told Charles to get off the property, to go to his own place. In the distance, Charles could see a stately castle which he somehow knew belonged to him.
But his only interest was in the dark factory. The guard shrugged. Charles started up the bulldozer and charged the heavy machine toward the small back door of the factory.
As the bulldozer began to rumble forward, Charles awoke -- with a massive erection.
The dream puzzled Charles. But it enlightened the therapist. To him it revealed that Charles was in the grip of the Madonna/Whore complex.
This is the attitude that divides women into "good" and "bad." Thus, a man's wife and especially mother, are "good." Prostitutes, other men's wives and and women of ethnic groups other than the man's own, are "bad."
"Bad" women are exciting; "good" women are boring. Sex is forbidden with "good" women but possible with the "bad."
A man with this complex may have sex with his wife occasionally, or until she becomes a mother, or while a post-hypnotic suggestion lasts. But his heart is not in it. Neither is his penis.
However, with a "bad" woman he has no commitment, no respect. She is there to be used.
His conscience (the security guard) barely bothers him about penetrating the stranger (the dark factory) but, perversely, does prevent him enjoying "his" woman (the castle).
When Charles heard this explanation, he nodded in agreement. This was indeed his view. And that of his father, uncle and most of his friends. He had no serious interest in changing this outlook, especially since Kim had announced she was pregnant. The hypnotherapist's suggestion that Charles and Kim seek marriage counselling fell on deaf ears.
A lawyer we shall call Mathilde did seek help from a psychotherapist. She had told the referring doctor that she rarely had an orgasm. The truth was that Mathilde never had an orgasm -- with her husband.
She'd been faking it for years. But she had climaxed with previous boyfriends. Also during a two-night stand a few months ago.
Mathilde had been a speaker at a lawyers' convention a thousand miles from home. There she met Roger, a brooding electrical engineer who had been trouble-shooting the hotel's elevators.
"He was not particularly good-looking but he had these soft grey eyes," Mathilde confided to the therapist. She smiled. "He was brutal in bed."
Mathilde was mildly surprised to find herself telling the male therapist details she had not felt comfortable confiding to her female doctor.
There was no question of her wanting to leave the marriage. She loved her husband, had a marvellous life. All that was missing ws the joy of orgasm. It was something she yearned for.
Until she met Roger the lack of orgasms with her husband had not bothered her much. Mathilde had become used to pretending -- and to satisfying herself in secret.
The therapist faced two dilemmas:
i) perhaps, despite Mathilde's conscious denials, there was some problem between her and her husband
ii) the therapist usually worked with couples, not individuals, on such sexual challenges.
He decided that, given the husband was not present and would be unlikely to come to future sessions, he would work with Mathilde, and he would use hypnotherapy. If the outcome was successful, there would be no need to explore possible conflicts between husband and wife.
First the therapist explained a little about hypnosis and how it could help Mathilde. Her first session was devoted to her simply relaxing into hypnosis, and becoming familiar with how safe and peaceful it felt.
In Mathilde's second and third sessions of hypnosis the therapist suggested Mathilde silently relive an earlier experience of orgasm.
In her mind she was to take particular note of the physical and emotional feelings which allowed her to climax.
When the orgasm in her imagination was over she would open her eyes, though remain in hypnosis.
Then the therapist pointed out, and Mathilde confirmed, that she had been internally very relaxed just prior to making love. And that during foreplay and intercourse, she became "lost" in the pleasure.
The therapist asked Mathilde to again close her eyes and this time to imagine herself in bed with her husband. Again she could relive the details silently, no need to tell the therapist anything, except when the imagined lovemaking was over.
When Mathilde compared the earlier experience with how she felt when making love with her husband she immediately noticed her tension.
"I am not relaxed and I don't get lost in the act." Sometimes she thought about cases she was working on and at other times she focused on making sure her husband was satisfied.
In the next part of the session the therapist first gave Mathilde suggestions that she could allow herself to relax with her husband, that she could allow herself to climax with him.
The therapist again waited silently while Mathilde played the scene through in her mind.
When she signalled (with a broad smile) that the scene had reached a successful end, the therapist closed the session with positive suggestions about Mathilde allowing herself to be relaxed, focused on pleasure and allowed to climax when making love with her husband.
And so it was.
* * *
Hypnotherapy has also been used successfully to overcome other sexual problems such as overlubrication, exhibitionism, and to uncover the reason a client became a transvestite.
Before seeking help with a sexual difficulty it is important to be sure it really is a problem. For example, a man may go to a therapist because he believes he suffers from premature ejaculation. But if the man is married to a woman who dislikes sex, indeed "wants it over with as soon as possible," that's exactly what is happening, so where's the problem?
Twenty-five years old Eugene's problem was real enough: he could not become erect. A handsome, single, bus driver, Eugene had had several medical examinations; all the doctors had concluded there was no medical cause for his impotence.
At first, hypnotherapy did not help Eugene. He became more and more despondent about his failure, scared to date and unable to sleep at night.
The hypnotherapist had used approaches one or more of which usually resolve psychogenic impotence:
> positive suggestions
> aversive therapy
> satisfying imagery
> arm rigidity
But nothing worked.
The hypnotherapist finally decided to enlist the guidance of Eugene's subsconscious through finger signalling and direct relay of images in response to questions.
(With finger signalling -- also known as an ideodynamic technique -- a hypnotized person allows the subconscious to answer questions with predesignated fingers that represent "Yes," "No," "Don't Know," and "Not yet ready to answer").
This approach proved fruitful, although at first puzzling.
Hypnotherapist: "I'm going to ask your subconscious some questions. There's no need for you to think about the questions or the answers. Simply allow your subconscious to respond through the fingers it has selected.
You will probably feel a tingling begin in the finger that the subsconscious selects. Then it will lift as though of its own accord.
Now, I'd like to ask your subconscious if there is a purpose served by Eugene's impotence?"
[This question is often answered "yes" and subsequently leads to an explanation such as a desire to punish self or partner for some reason].
[Fimger responses are indicated with ( )].
Eugene: (No).
H: "Does the cause of the problem lie in Eugene's past?"
E: (Yes).
[This response steered the hypnotherapist along the wrong path. He took no account of the literalness with which the subconscious absorbs information. Consequently, the hypnotherapist understood the "Yes" response to mean that there was a specific event, a trauma or a message, that began Eugene's impotence. As was later revealed, the "cause in the past" referred, not to a particular event, but to an ongoing process.]
H: "Did the cause happen before Eugene was 20?"
E: (Yes).
H: "Did the cause happen before Eugene was 15?"
E: (Yes).
H: "Before 10?"
E: (No).
[Now the hypnotherapist, who erroneously assumes some single event happened, switches from finger responses to image responses].
H: "Okay. I'm going to ask the subconscious to present to your mind an image that is somehow connected to the problem we're dealing with."
E: "I'm in a shop. I don't know how old I am but a man picks me up. I'm very scared. He holds me to him. Someone else comes in and tells the man to put me down."
[The hypnotherapist thinks that it is possible something happened in the shop to subsequently cause Eugene to become impotent. However, further questioning reveals that Eugene sees little more than he has already reported. There appears to be no abuse, no negative messages (such as "You'll never be a man.")
The session is drawing to a close so the therapist reverts to ideomatic questioning. He decided to check the medical verdicts].
H: "Does the problem have any medical basis to it?"
E: [Long pause]. (No).
H: "Is there something physical that would help?"
E: (No).
H: "Is there something missing in Eugene's diet, or something he should not be eating or drinking?"
E: (Don't know/don't want to answer yet).
[Eugene snaps out of hypnosis, much to his own surprise. In previous sessions for other problems Eugene had enjoyed hypnosis so much he had been reluctant to emerge. He puts himself back into hypnosis].
H: "Okay. Our time is nearly up. I want to thank your subconscious for its help. I'm now asking it to provide you with a dream that will give you a strong indication on how to solve the problem that brought you here."
[Eugene once again snaps out of hypnosis].
H: "Wow. We're clearly close to something significant, otherwise you wouldn't come out so suddenly."
E: "I don't understand why. But while you were talking about me having a dream something floated into my mind: smoking."
H: [Incredulous]. "You smoke!"
E: "Yes, a lot."
H: "There you are. That's what your subconscious was telling us: the cause of your impotence is smoking! Have you stopped before?"
E: "Yes. For a while."
H: "And did you have erections okay then?"
E: [Thinks back]. "Yes, I did. I did."
[And the shop? Why did the subconscious throw that memory into Eugene's mind? Perhaps because the shop sold cigarettes.]
Copyright (c) 2005 Bryan M. Knight
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With sincere apologies to Dr. Suess I begin this article (I just couldn't help myself). But seriously now folks, fetishes are probably one of the most confused areas of sex around today. What exactly is a fetish? According to World Book psychiatrists see a fetish as an abnormal sexual attachment for a lifeless object. Attachment yes, abnormal? that's in the eye of the beholder. Fetishes are so widely varied that it would probably take an entire web site & then some to cover them all so we'll attempt to cover some of the more common ones here. Not being psychiatrists here we will not delve into what makes people become so vitally attached to these fetishes but hope that others would learn to accept these people & their fetishes without judgment. Like I always say, "Whatever makes your boat float".
A Galaxy of Fetishes
Fetishes can run the entire gamut, from the mundane to the bizarre. Basically a person who has such a fetish requires that object, or item, to be included in their sexual play to become aroused or have an orgasm. One very common fetish is men who will wear women's underwear, both during "normal" hours & then during their sexual play. Unlike the man who has a curiosity about women's underwear & will dabble with their use, a person who has an advanced fetish must have these items present to become sexually aroused. This should also not be confused with a transvestite, although many transvestites do have a women's clothing fetish. Possessing a fetish for these frilly items in no way makes any man less of a lover, or man for that fact. Other fetishes included in the clothing department are rubber, leather & vinyl. The person with a fetish of this type usually truly enjoys the feel (or look) of these particular items & derives great sexual stimulation from their use.
Another very common fetish is the foot fetish. Shoe salesman jokes aside, a person with such a fetish will become highly aroused when confronted with what they would consider a "good looking pair of feet". We have even found clubs devoted to foot worship. Although most fetishes are not very specific we have heard of one person in this category who has taken the foot fetish to the infinite. He requires a female foot with a minimum of 1" long nails dressed in a Greek sandal. Hey if your going to do, do it all the way. In conjunction with the foot fetish are variations & off shoots. One such fetish is called Trampling. This involves a willing recipient to be walked on with bare feet or even a set of spiked heels! Kind of sounds like the Japanese massages you see in the movies! Another offshoot of the foot fetish is what is known as Shrimping. Shrimping is the act of licking between ones toes & nibbling on their toes. Personally I don't mind doing this myself & I never really considered myself as someone who had a fetish. Other variations of this foot fetish can include things such as spiked heels (we've seen photos of up to 12" ones) or any other type of specific foot covering.
One fetish that has very much come "out of the closet" in today's society is what is called Body Modification. Simply put these people enjoy either, or both, the act of tattooing & body piercing. There was a time when these practices were more or less keep quite, but as we all know, this has become very popular & very public. Unless you have been living in a cave for the past several years, you have probably heard of or seen someone with VERY private parts of their bodies pierced including nipples, the penis, the vulva & yes we have even seen a woman with her clitoris pierced! Many say this piercing heightens the sensations of intercourse. We recently saw a TV show about a couple very much involved in this. His penis had several piercings & was adorned with several rings. When the interviewer asked the woman if it hurt her during intercourse she smiled & said, "it's the best sex I've ever had."
Discussing any such fetish should be met by the partner with great compassion & understanding. A person willing to admit to a fetish of any nature to their lover requires them to basically bare their soul to them. Understanding that these fetishes are usually not harmful in any way must be kept in mind while discussing a lovers fetish.
Even though many people use the term to describe things they like as a fetish, fetishes go much deeper. Some deep psychological needs must to be filled before the person can enjoy sex. Some of these fetishes are harmless and can be dealt with within the bounds of normal life, however some may represent deeper problems. A partner to someone with a fetish must judge for themselves if they can cope with such a fetish. As with anything else in an open sexual relationship either partner should have the right to refuse something that deeply bothers them.
