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"My girlfriend dumped me because she says I 'wasn't there' when we made love. She's not the first to say this. I know something's wrong. Can hypnotherapy help me?"
Your sexual dysfunction means you engage in sex more as an observer than as a participant.
You hold yourself back from entering a trance state; you have difficulty "letting go."
There are several ways in which a qualified hypnotherapist can help you to conquer this problem. Before using hypnosis it is essential that you receive competent medical advice.
Hypnotherapy will have a particular focus depending on whether the problem is organic or psychological.
Organic sexual problems require medical intervention. Hypnotherapy may be used as an adjunct, for instance, in helping you to heal faster after an operation.
More frequently, sexual difficulties treated by a hypnotherapist concern psychological issues.
Since the process deals with your mind all sexual activity during hypnotherapy takes place only in your imagination.
What you learn through hypnotherapy is practiced privately elsewhere.
Hypnotherapy may be used to heighten your sensual involvement and to help you to be fully present while engaging in sex.
A common, effective use of hypnotherapy is to lower your anxiety.
The anticipation of failure (particularly for men anxious about their ability to have or to maintain an erection) brings on anxious feelings.
These in turn bring about the failure. Hypnotherapy ends this vicious circle and replaces the anticipation of failure with the certainty of success and confidence.
Traditional sex therapy methods are more readily accepted by you when in hypnosis because the conscious, judgmental, analytical part of your mind is temporarily set aside.
Your subconscious then absorbs the new, positive messages you've asked the hypnotherapist to create.
Precisely because hypnosis taps into the autonomic nervous system, a person can use it to improve or alter functions that normally happen without conscious control, e.g., a man's erection.
Charles, a 27-years-old former sailor and currently an electrician, consulted a hypnotherapist because he was too fearful to have sex with his wife.
They'd been married three years and had had sexual difficulties since the birth of their daughter eight months previously. Charles was afraid he'd been embarrassed once again if he tried to make love.
"Kim laughed at me the first time and now she just gives me a look of disgust." Why? Because he couldn't maintain an erection.
Charles felt humiliated and frustrated; he worried that he'd never again have satisfactory sex with his wife. His dream of fathering a son seemed unattainable.
He told the hypnotherapist that he had no problem masturbating when alone. This was a likely indicator that Charles' problem was psychological, not organic.
As was Charles' report that he always had a firm erection when having sex with the occasional housewife in whose home he was doing electrical work.
To be on the safe side, the hypnotherapist advised Charles to be examined by a medical specialist to be absolutely sure there was no organic cause for his ED.
The doctor confirmed that Charles' trouble was "100 per cent psychogenic," meaning that for some emotional or psychological reason, he could not maintain an erection.
Of course, the more Charles tried, and the more he worried, the more flaccid was his penis.
The hypnotherapist explained to Charles that hypnosis could be used to uncover the cause of his trouble, or to tackle the symptom, or both.
Charles, being the impatient type, and of course eager to end his humiliating experiences, opted for the "quick fix."
Over the course of three sessions of hypnotherapy, Charles relived successful love-making episodes from his younger years as a Navy "stud."
Then the therapist used a melding technique to encourage Charles to see himself (in his imagination, while hypnotized) from now on once again enjoying a full, firm erection well beyond the time needed to satisfy his partner.
Positive suggestions were also made by the hypnotherapist to Charles about his prowess, his confidence and his desirability to his wife.
For three months Charles and Kim had a wonderful sex life. Then he lost an erection just as foreplay had become hot and heavy.
Kim, hurt and disappointed, reacted with sarcasm. All Charles' fears and anxieties rushed back. He returned to the hypnotherapist.
This time Charles agreed to investigate the cause of his impotence.
The hypnotherapist used various approaches -- age regression, age progression (in which the "future" Charles was to explain how he'd conquered the problem) analogue symbolic imagery -- but nothing worked.
In a subsequent session, with Charles relaxed in hypnosis, the therapist told Charles he'd have a dream. His subconscious would provide this dream as a way, either directly or symbolically, to explain the origin of his impotence.
Three nights later Charles dreamed he was outside a factory. It was night time and the factory loomed dark and mysterious.
Charles felt a strong urge to scale the steel fence that surrounded the factory. Then he tried to find away in. All the doors were shut and padlocked. A security guard ("very scary, because he had my face," said Charles) told him to go away.
But Charles persisted in his eagerness to enter the factory. He ran from the guard, to the back of the building. Here was the loading dock. Charles saw a bulldozer there. He jumped into its cab and began to operate the controls.
The guard reappeared, feebly told Charles to get off the property, to go to his own place. In the distance, Charles could see a stately castle which he somehow knew belonged to him.
But his only interest was in the dark factory. The guard shrugged. Charles started up the bulldozer and charged the heavy machine toward the small back door of the factory.
As the bulldozer began to rumble forward, Charles awoke -- with a massive erection.
The dream puzzled Charles. But it enlightened the therapist. To him it revealed that Charles was in the grip of the Madonna/Whore complex.
This is the attitude that divides women into "good" and "bad." Thus, a man's wife and especially mother, are "good." Prostitutes, other men's wives and and women of ethnic groups other than the man's own, are "bad."
"Bad" women are exciting; "good" women are boring. Sex is forbidden with "good" women but possible with the "bad."
A man with this complex may have sex with his wife occasionally, or until she becomes a mother, or while a post-hypnotic suggestion lasts. But his heart is not in it. Neither is his penis.
However, with a "bad" woman he has no commitment, no respect. She is there to be used.
His conscience (the security guard) barely bothers him about penetrating the stranger (the dark factory) but, perversely, does prevent him enjoying "his" woman (the castle).
When Charles heard this explanation, he nodded in agreement. This was indeed his view. And that of his father, uncle and most of his friends. He had no serious interest in changing this outlook, especially since Kim had announced she was pregnant. The hypnotherapist's suggestion that Charles and Kim seek marriage counselling fell on deaf ears.
A lawyer we shall call Mathilde did seek help from a psychotherapist. She had told the referring doctor that she rarely had an orgasm. The truth was that Mathilde never had an orgasm -- with her husband.
She'd been faking it for years. But she had climaxed with previous boyfriends. Also during a two-night stand a few months ago.
Mathilde had been a speaker at a lawyers' convention a thousand miles from home. There she met Roger, a brooding electrical engineer who had been trouble-shooting the hotel's elevators.
"He was not particularly good-looking but he had these soft grey eyes," Mathilde confided to the therapist. She smiled. "He was brutal in bed."
Mathilde was mildly surprised to find herself telling the male therapist details she had not felt comfortable confiding to her female doctor.
There was no question of her wanting to leave the marriage. She loved her husband, had a marvellous life. All that was missing ws the joy of orgasm. It was something she yearned for.
Until she met Roger the lack of orgasms with her husband had not bothered her much. Mathilde had become used to pretending -- and to satisfying herself in secret.
The therapist faced two dilemmas:
i) perhaps, despite Mathilde's conscious denials, there was some problem between her and her husband
ii) the therapist usually worked with couples, not individuals, on such sexual challenges.
He decided that, given the husband was not present and would be unlikely to come to future sessions, he would work with Mathilde, and he would use hypnotherapy. If the outcome was successful, there would be no need to explore possible conflicts between husband and wife.
First the therapist explained a little about hypnosis and how it could help Mathilde. Her first session was devoted to her simply relaxing into hypnosis, and becoming familiar with how safe and peaceful it felt.
In Mathilde's second and third sessions of hypnosis the therapist suggested Mathilde silently relive an earlier experience of orgasm.
In her mind she was to take particular note of the physical and emotional feelings which allowed her to climax.
When the orgasm in her imagination was over she would open her eyes, though remain in hypnosis.
Then the therapist pointed out, and Mathilde confirmed, that she had been internally very relaxed just prior to making love. And that during foreplay and intercourse, she became "lost" in the pleasure.
The therapist asked Mathilde to again close her eyes and this time to imagine herself in bed with her husband. Again she could relive the details silently, no need to tell the therapist anything, except when the imagined lovemaking was over.
When Mathilde compared the earlier experience with how she felt when making love with her husband she immediately noticed her tension.
"I am not relaxed and I don't get lost in the act." Sometimes she thought about cases she was working on and at other times she focused on making sure her husband was satisfied.
In the next part of the session the therapist first gave Mathilde suggestions that she could allow herself to relax with her husband, that she could allow herself to climax with him.
The therapist again waited silently while Mathilde played the scene through in her mind.
When she signalled (with a broad smile) that the scene had reached a successful end, the therapist closed the session with positive suggestions about Mathilde allowing herself to be relaxed, focused on pleasure and allowed to climax when making love with her husband.
And so it was.
* * *
Hypnotherapy has also been used successfully to overcome other sexual problems such as overlubrication, exhibitionism, and to uncover the reason a client became a transvestite.
Before seeking help with a sexual difficulty it is important to be sure it really is a problem. For example, a man may go to a therapist because he believes he suffers from premature ejaculation. But if the man is married to a woman who dislikes sex, indeed "wants it over with as soon as possible," that's exactly what is happening, so where's the problem?
Twenty-five years old Eugene's problem was real enough: he could not become erect. A handsome, single, bus driver, Eugene had had several medical examinations; all the doctors had concluded there was no medical cause for his impotence.
At first, hypnotherapy did not help Eugene. He became more and more despondent about his failure, scared to date and unable to sleep at night.
The hypnotherapist had used approaches one or more of which usually resolve psychogenic impotence:
> positive suggestions
> aversive therapy
> satisfying imagery
> arm rigidity
But nothing worked.
The hypnotherapist finally decided to enlist the guidance of Eugene's subsconscious through finger signalling and direct relay of images in response to questions.
(With finger signalling -- also known as an ideodynamic technique -- a hypnotized person allows the subconscious to answer questions with predesignated fingers that represent "Yes," "No," "Don't Know," and "Not yet ready to answer").
This approach proved fruitful, although at first puzzling.
Hypnotherapist: "I'm going to ask your subconscious some questions. There's no need for you to think about the questions or the answers. Simply allow your subconscious to respond through the fingers it has selected.
You will probably feel a tingling begin in the finger that the subsconscious selects. Then it will lift as though of its own accord.
Now, I'd like to ask your subconscious if there is a purpose served by Eugene's impotence?"
[This question is often answered "yes" and subsequently leads to an explanation such as a desire to punish self or partner for some reason].
[Fimger responses are indicated with ( )].
Eugene: (No).
H: "Does the cause of the problem lie in Eugene's past?"
E: (Yes).
[This response steered the hypnotherapist along the wrong path. He took no account of the literalness with which the subconscious absorbs information. Consequently, the hypnotherapist understood the "Yes" response to mean that there was a specific event, a trauma or a message, that began Eugene's impotence. As was later revealed, the "cause in the past" referred, not to a particular event, but to an ongoing process.]
H: "Did the cause happen before Eugene was 20?"
E: (Yes).
H: "Did the cause happen before Eugene was 15?"
E: (Yes).
H: "Before 10?"
E: (No).
[Now the hypnotherapist, who erroneously assumes some single event happened, switches from finger responses to image responses].
H: "Okay. I'm going to ask the subconscious to present to your mind an image that is somehow connected to the problem we're dealing with."
E: "I'm in a shop. I don't know how old I am but a man picks me up. I'm very scared. He holds me to him. Someone else comes in and tells the man to put me down."
[The hypnotherapist thinks that it is possible something happened in the shop to subsequently cause Eugene to become impotent. However, further questioning reveals that Eugene sees little more than he has already reported. There appears to be no abuse, no negative messages (such as "You'll never be a man.")
The session is drawing to a close so the therapist reverts to ideomatic questioning. He decided to check the medical verdicts].
H: "Does the problem have any medical basis to it?"
E: [Long pause]. (No).
H: "Is there something physical that would help?"
E: (No).
H: "Is there something missing in Eugene's diet, or something he should not be eating or drinking?"
E: (Don't know/don't want to answer yet).
[Eugene snaps out of hypnosis, much to his own surprise. In previous sessions for other problems Eugene had enjoyed hypnosis so much he had been reluctant to emerge. He puts himself back into hypnosis].
H: "Okay. Our time is nearly up. I want to thank your subconscious for its help. I'm now asking it to provide you with a dream that will give you a strong indication on how to solve the problem that brought you here."
[Eugene once again snaps out of hypnosis].
H: "Wow. We're clearly close to something significant, otherwise you wouldn't come out so suddenly."
E: "I don't understand why. But while you were talking about me having a dream something floated into my mind: smoking."
H: [Incredulous]. "You smoke!"
E: "Yes, a lot."
H: "There you are. That's what your subconscious was telling us: the cause of your impotence is smoking! Have you stopped before?"
E: "Yes. For a while."
H: "And did you have erections okay then?"
E: [Thinks back]. "Yes, I did. I did."
[And the shop? Why did the subconscious throw that memory into Eugene's mind? Perhaps because the shop sold cigarettes.]
Copyright (c) 2005 Bryan M. Knight
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penis enlarement technique
Piercing refers to the art of puncturing the body with a needle in order to wear jewelry in the holes. The most popular sites for body piercing are the ears, the nose, tongue, eyebrows, nipples, navel, labia and penis. Piercing is usually carried out without anesthesia in beauty or tattoo parlors. The actual act of piercing does not take more than a few minutes and is done with a needle or a piercing gun. The actual piercing is done after the skin has been cleaned and disinfected.
Though piercing is gaining popularity, it carries with it its own sets of hazards, if not carried out in sterile conditions. Sometimes piercing also could also result in a badly formed earlobe as a result of weakening and tearing of the tissue, contact dermatitis, rupture of the urethra and an infection of the foreskin of the penis to name a few. To avoid falling prey to these infections is not to get pierced in the first place, and if one does, then to make sure that the person performing the piercing is doing it in sterile conditions and is trained professionally. Also make sure that the jewelry being used is of 14 or 18 carat gold, titanium, surgical steel or niobium as jewelry made of brass plate and nickel alloys can trigger a skin allergy.
Piercing is an age old custom -- the Egyptians and the Romans did it. In Rome, slaves who were gladiators very often had to have their genitals pierced so they would always have to get their masters’ consent before indulging in sex.The Aztec and the Maya tribes as well as some of the American Indian tribes also pierced their lips as a ritual. Mayans, being a warrior tribe, pierced their septum as well to intimidate their enemies.
During the dark ages the interest in piercing faded away to come back into full swing in England during the Elizabethan age where it was a great way for nobility to display their wealth and status by wearing an earring (a pearl drop or a stud).Women of that age too became more adventurous and the conservative form of dress gave way to dipping necklines as well as nipple piercing, which proved to be a great visual stimulus in the bedroom!
In the 1960s hippies who traveled back from India brought the custom of nose piercing to the west. This has diversified into many different types of body piercings in today’s world.
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It is normal to shed hair every day and the truth is we loose between 100-125 hairs on any given day. Hair that is shed falls out at the end of growth cycle. At any given time 10% of our hair is in what is called a “resting phase” and after 2-3 months resting, hair falls out and new hair grows in its place. Some people, however, experience more hair loss than is normal.
As we get older, both men and women experience some hair loss. It’s a normal part of the aging process. Called Androgenetic Alopecia, it accounts for 95% of all hair loss. Androgentic Alopecia often runs in families and affects some people more than others. In men it is often referred to as Male Pattern Baldness. It is characterized by a receding hair line and baldness on the top of head. Women, on the other hand, don’t go entirely bald even if their hair loss is severe. Instead, hair loss is spread out evenly over their entire scalp.
Hormones play the dominant role when talking about Androgenetic Alopecia. Simple put, both men and women produce testosterone. Testosterone can be converted to dihydrotestosterone (DHT) with the aid of the enzyme 5-alpha-reductase. DHT shrinks hair follicles causing the membranes in the scalp to thicken, become inelastic and restrict blood flow. This causes the hair follicles to atrophy. As a result, when a hair does fall out, it is not replaced.
Needless to say, men produce more testosterone than women and experience more hair loss.
While Androgenetic Alopecia is the number one reason why individuals experience hair loss, it is not the only one. Medical conditions such as hypothyroidism, ringworm and fungal infections can cause hair loss. Certain medications such as blood thinners, gout medication, birth control pills and too much vitamin A can cause sudden or abnormal hair loss as can following a crash diet, sudden hormonal changes, chemotherapy and radiation.
Emotional stress, pregnancy, or surgery can also cause our hair to fall out and is usually not noticed until 3-4 months after the stressful event has taken place. Stress can cause a slowing of new hair growth because a larger number of hair follicles enter into the resting phase and no new hair growth is experienced.
Another way in which individuals experience hair loss is due to mechanical stressors on the hair and scalp. Wearing pigtails, cornrows or tight rollers that end up pull on the hair can scar the scalp and cause permanent hair loss. Hair products such as hot oil treatments and chemicals used for permanents can cause inflammation to the hair follicles which can also result in scarring and hair loss.
Note: Hair loss may be the early warning sign of a more serious disorder such as lupus or diabetes, so it is important to talk to your doctor.
Recommendations For Wellness
If you are taking prescription medications, talk to your doctor and find out if your medication is contributing to your hair loss.
Avoid mega-doses of vitamin A. Too much vitamin A can cause your hair to fall out.
Exercise, do yoga, meditate or find some other practice that will help to reduce your anxiety and stress levels.
If you are a women, have your female hormones tested. If they are imbalanced, talk to your health care provider about bio-identical hormone replacements.
If you wear pigtails, cornrows, use a curling iron, hair dryer or hot rollers, try changing your hair style to one that puts less pressure and stress on your hair and scalp.
If hot oil treatments or chemicals such as those used in permanents are causing inflammation to the scalp, discontinue their use, or reduce the number of times you are using them.
Use gentle shampoos and conditioners to avoid any unnecessary damage to your hair.
In men, herbs such as saw palmetto and licorice root help block the formation of DHT. The same holds true for supplementation with zinc. As an added benefit, studies show that these supplements can also help prevent prostate enlargement.
Massage your scalp with rosemary oil in an olive oil base. Both rosemary oil and massaging the scalp can stimulate the circulation in the scalp and promote hair growth.
Again, if you are experiencing hair loss, check with your doctor to ensure that a more serious disorder isn’t the cause.
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Just about everyone is aware that a male or a female can contact genital herpes from someone who has this sexually transmitted disease. This type of herpes virus is very well known as HSV-2. Recent studies have proven that this herpes virus can also be passed on orally.
Both sets of symptoms are very similar to one another. Blisters and sores can appear on different parts of the body. Although as the name suggests, those who have contacted oral herpes will have signs of the virus on the mouth. While those who have contacted genital herpes will show signs of the disease on the penis of the male, and vagina or cervix of the female. In some cases, the virus may also be inside the urinary tract of both males or females.
Oral herpes will first begin as lesions. Doctors refer to the initial outbreak as the primary episode. These lesions will appear between two to tens days after the start of the infection. These are small red lesions that will mature into blisters, and then turn into full-blown sores.
The infected individual’s gums will become swollen and red. There have been incidents with some patients where their tongues develop a white coating. This condition will last for two to three weeks. After that time, they will dry up, and heal without scaling.
In addition to the obvious physical signs of oral herpes, other symptoms may be finding it difficult to eat, running a fever, feelings of irritability, and muscle pain. The varying symptoms make it very difficult for the doctor to conclusively tell if the patient has oral herpes. It is not until the sores or blisters begin to appear on the face that a final diagnosis of oral herpes can be made.
Oral herpes, just like genital herpes, is passed on while touching, kissing, and during intercourse.
Unfortunately, an infected adult can also unintentionally transmit this to a child with a simple good night kiss. The good news regarding this infection, is that oral herpes can be controlled with the proper medication.
Proper hygiene goes a long way in helping to prevent the spread of oral herpes. People should wash their face regularly, especially the affected area, with soap and water. For someone infected with this disease, it is important to remember not to hold, or even touch an infant, since the immune system of a baby will be unable to fight off this disease.
Oral herpes may last longer than another type of herpes virus. The reason is stress. Those who are not highly stressed individuals can recover in two weeks, while those who have to face the daily pressures of work, or home life, and find doing so to be difficult, will suffer a little while longer.
Anti-viral tablets are the best-known medication to help control oral herpes. Studies have shown that these medications can also help to prevent the disease from recurring.
Some patients are forced to be confined in the hospital, and to undergo IV medication until they recover. This happens only to those patients who are suffering from severe cases of oral herpes, or to infants and young children.
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Performance in bed and penis size are two things that often cross a mans mind. These topics are not completely physical though. They are also two of the most important factors that influence a mans self esteem. A lack in either of the two can quickly spell disaster for intimate relationships and are definitely tough topics to bring out in the open.
In the past, problems with penis size were mostly ignored and resulted in many marital problems, even divorce. Men who decided to do something about a small penis size or poor sexual function often found themselves with little to no choices.
While most women will swear a small penis can still get the job done, the male ego will never take this situation lightly. A man with a big penis feels like a real man, he desires sex more often, and enjoys better sex and sensation from the added size he has.
In todays world of male self improvement, there has been a huge increase in the ways to enhance and increase penis size and sexual ability. More than ever, it seems that men are looking to the simpler and newer methods to gain extra size. The various methods are divided up into two simple categories: the ones that work, and the ones that do not work.
Penis enlargement methods that do NOT work
First let ups get rid of the ones that do not work. Methods such as pumps, creams, oils, pills, and patches will not permanently increase the penis size. They are either generally food supplements or topical oils that will only give temporarily bigger erections.
And dont be fooled by the penis pumps, they do exactly what they suggest, and that is to pump more blood into the penis so it looks bigger. Again, no real size gains.
Penis enlargement methods that DO work
The methods that do work include two main methods that every man should consider.
While some men are well endowed, they could still benefit from natural penis enlargement exercises. For others, quite a few of these exercises can be used to add length and thickness to the penis, and still others promote strength and overall penis health as their main benefits.
But can exercises really increase penis size? Anatomy says that penis size is directly a result of genetics. The penis is also not a muscle, which is why many people think there is no possible way it can be made larger, aside of course from those who have actually done it.
At any given point, the penis size is currently limited in the amount of blood that can fill it. However there are steps men can take to develop their size and thereby enjoy better sex and higher self esteem.
Penis exercising works because it stimulates the inner tissues of the penis. Just as doctors use the technique of traction to help their patients stretch new tissues as they recover from surgery, the penis tissue and therefore penis size can also be enlarged naturally.
The areas known as the Corpora Cavernosum and Corpus Spongiosum are the main chambers of the penis that fill up with blood during erections. These important spaces can be increased in size and strength through special, targeted exercises.
Your penis enlargement exercise workouts will strengthen and expand these tissues to hold more blood, and also stretch these tissues, developing healthy new tissue cells in the process. This results in a permanent increase in penis size, strength, sensation and stamina.
A faster alternative is the penis traction device
Men who want even faster results often opt for the other and newer method of penis enlargement that really works: the penis traction device. The penis enlargement device does exactly what exercises do, without the need to follow an exercise routine for similar, yet faster results.
The traction device is a new development in the area of natural male enhancement that comes to us from the medical community. A heavily researched and tested tool however, the traction devices available on the Internet offer quality and an easier way to permanent size gains than exercises alone.
The device is getting more popular because of its results in the medical world. It has been successfully used time and time again by people who are recovering from expensive penis enlargement surgery, and more recently by people using it in their homes to increase penis size naturally.
The device is small and is best if worn up for 6 to 8 hours per day, it fits any penis size, can be worn unseen under loose clothing, and it can also be combined with exercises for even bigger and faster results.
The device started being used to help post penis surgery patients even out and keep the gains they made in surgery. Since then, the traction device has gained dominance over the penis enlargement industry as the fastest way to get permanent size gains. Aside from a bigger penis, the device also brings increased blood flow to the penis area, harder erections, increased sexual stamina and sensation.
The device has especially been touted for its painless penis enlargement process, ease of use, and fast results.
Perhaps most importantly however, the device has been seen as a healthier and safer alternative to undergoing a much more expensive surgery. In fact, the price of most traction devices is less than what one pays for the first consultation for surgery alone.
